I Don't Like to Think of it as One Big Competition

So this pregnancy was unplanned and well planned.  We wanted to have another kid we were trying, we decided to stop trying due to some financial setbacks.  Our method of birth control was timing and we honestly didn't think we had timed things well so after all of our struggles with A we thought that we would start trying again another month when the financial stars were more in line.  My mom and brother had also moved in with us for a month.  That also made things more difficult.  Well here we are and we are actually really really happy about it and wished that financially things would be going better for us. Not having any insurance is very scary.  Now you are probably asking what does this pregnancy have to do with a competition?  Nothing in our minds.  We got married later, and started having kids later than we wished.  After my first pregnancy I learned that I am really miserable and don't have the energy and stamina that I used to 10 even 5 years earlier.  After being able to conceive with A I knew then that I wanted to finish having kids by 35.  I am in a race, but with myself and my biological age.  I am also concerned because I am bipolar.  Compared to most married couples we know we are behind in completing our family.  Most people we know are already on two or more.  So if anything I think we should be considered behind.  This also brings up the bigger picture.  Mr. Bob and I are doing our best to well, do our best.  We are trying hard not to compare ourselves to anyone else, it is unfair to do that in any case.  After being diagnosed bipolar I had to learn to let go and not compare myself to others, heck I was too busy comparing myself to my past self.  Which is unfortunate because that is a pretty high standard to keep.  When I was in college before I got sick I was amazing and talented and energetic and I did it all and never felt tired.  After I was diagnosed in the years of our early marriage I was sick and tired and depressed.  I just had to talk myself through each day as it came.  Now that I have been stable on my meds for awhile I can do a lot more, but I will never be the person I was in college.  Some days I just lay in bed and nothing gets done around the house and it is "okay" because I have learned that if it isn't then I will get sick again.  I just let it go.  I am trying hard not to compete with anyone and especially not with myself anymore.  I am much happier that way.